Yarn

8/29/24

Like threading a needle. That's how easy and spacious my joy quotient is. The funny thing is, I undermine any chance I have of happiness with "happiness." Pseudo-happiness. But it seems like it's more than bad habits and a questionable upbringing and a twisted culture. It seems more deliberate. I suck myself back in. The problem is I'm not an idiot. That fact also undermines my hope of believing in the supernatural. God I'd like to believe in God. Are we all just creatures of habit? How about inertia? Momentum.

So what about doing the same inane thing over and over and expecting different results? Is that the epitome of insanity, or stupidity? Or genius? My genius self thinks it can outwit nature. Maybe I really would be a lard ass if I were not of above-average intelligence. I have the will of a dorkwad but the brains of a mastermind. It's like the Wizard Of Oz. I need the wizard to help me. Or the ruby slippers. I need either courage or heart, or both. I unfortunately feel like an imbecile in many situations. I might not be perceiving the situations correctly.

It is interesting that people came up with deities. Deities to help them, protect them, give comfort to them. It's quaint, in light of scientific knowledge. The problem may be in not distinguishing the differences. In permitting religion/spirituality to encroach on science and intellectual exploration. I know Sagan thinks it's a copout.