Friend and foe

This may sound dark, but my days consist of something highly cherished to me... not sucking.

In a previous blog entry, I began to explain my recent lifestyle as a musician. At that time I wasn't ready to talk about the qualitative piece of the puzzle. However, if you think it's odd that I would be satisfied with a steady diet of nothing but practicing, allow me to explain. Playing the cello is hard. At least that's been my impression. It all depends, I guess. People play under a myriad of circumstances, requiring varying skill sets. What I am attempting is to plumb the depths of what I have been trained to do. I am trying not to shy away from repertoire that is daunting. I have my limits, on the one hand. But even with them, I know how I want to sound. I know where I set my bar.

Honestly, not doing what I'm doing is crazy to me now. If I don't have the luxury/time to make a daily effort to sound what could be construed as my best, what am I doing? I don't exactly have any other goals besides this one. If anything does come of this type of work, I will embrace it. I am certainly not at a place where I feel time is being squandered. Every time I sit down at the cello, I have no problem doing work amply. And it is never interrupted. It is a continuous, limitless arc, day by day.

I have just as much of a foe to tackle as I do when I'm faced with an intimidating conductor, a packed house, a complex set of Pops charts, or whatnot. Now my foe is pared down to its 3 simplest elements - my cello, me, and whatever composition is gnawing at me. After a session with a particularly tricky piece, I can tell that my trajectory has been altered. I have pushed myself.

This is the sort of thing I am called to do.

I used to think I was okay riding the wave of my bounteous training til the end of my days. Nowadays I am delving and digging, and not so much riding. It is like a potluck. And a generous one at that. Depending on the piece I have chosen, there will be different resources to extract from my memories. That also includes non-musical ones. Or even something that just happened earlier in the day. There is no lack. Instead of being bored, I am finding myself awakened.

If I am to call myself a cellist, I must mean it. It is me and my cello. We must join together as much as possible. If not, I am not really a cellist. That may sound extreme, but believe me, it is not. Also, it has been a long time coming.