Sandcastle

I haven't written for awhile, but I have done some solitary journaling. Funny how I go from one to the other relative to many factors. When I'm focused on one, the other gets forgotten. I was reminded of my blog the other day, and now I'd like to see some new ones emerge. This will involve some transcription from my journals. I bought a pretty blue one in the summer that inspired me. See what you think....

8/8/24

The beginning of the truth, the beginning of enlightenment, the beginning of the journey, is when you look to God first. It's along the lines of Thou Shalt Not Worship Another God Before Me. The commandments put a more browbeating spin on it, though. I want to come to God of my own wish, my own comfort, my own familiarity. I want to come to God from a place of wisdom, of common sense. God is my best counselor, my good advisor. God isn't supposed to be my last resort. Unfortunately, this will require a great overhauling of my mindset and habits.

8/9/24

I'm sorry, but when life becomes convoluted and overwhelming, isn't it nice to think of a higher power that is above it all? A higher power that is separate, and can watch with a sense of objectivity, perhaps be called upon for advice and solace? Maybe it really doesn't matter what the higher power is. Maybe AA isn't just trying to convert people through the back door. Maybe it is our perception of a higher power that is what matters. Anything that provides that solace, that sense of awe, that spirituality. Maybe Sagan and Wilson have more in common than I thought.

The reason why it would be AA that sprung forth this philosophy may be that necessity is the mother of invention. And perhaps the mother of inspiration. The deep truth of AA is not up for debate. Because it is derived from such an important part of our humanity, our desire to live, its truth is encompassing. I see it in the faces of these alcoholics. I hear it in their stories. More than most people, they have been to the precipice between life and death. Their experiences each encapsulate a world of knowledge. For some reason or another, I can understand and relate to this worldview. My experiences and perception also encompass a great many things.

The fact that Dick brought me into an AA meeting - that is the lynchpin of the trajectory to my current situation. There would no doubt be other people that would react as I have. Others who would see the special nature of recovered alcoholics. I have some history within drug addict circles - Andy B, the lunch/free period crowd at Churchill, Cate M. Maybe it's not just about Dick after all.