tinged

The question is, is this a waste of time. I guess I like to preface my choices with that. I have had to learn to train myself to even interrupt my activities with that question. Is there any irony in this? Does it ever seem like the things that would ostensibly be time wasters are in fact the real stuff of living? I wonder, have I had to go through this long period of life in order to learn what is the real meaning of it, or could I have been doing the real stuff all along? That is a burning question that I think gnaws at me.

In fact, I think burning, gnawing questions are really having their way with me just under the surface, and this writing may be the best way to address them. I guess not addressing them has been my only real answer for most of these years here in this body.

Maybe some people don't have to go through what I had to go through. Maybe they can get to the good stuff early on. But here I am, 51, with a 2 year old waking up from his nap, being held in my arms. Now that's pretty good.